When I was just a spotty youth and tired of being ignored,
One day, I suddenly said to myself, "Oh why are you so bored";
I wanted some adventure and to travel near and far,
So I went to my local ARES Depot and I joined RWAR.
OH, YES I AM A WEEKEND SOLDIER,
AND THE WORLD IS SCARED OF ME;
I'VE FOUGHT A MILLION BATTLES,
AND I'M ALWAYS HOME IN TIME FOR TEA.
I passed the Phyco and the medical and they smiled as I signed the dotted line,
But, the clothing store did treat me bad, they didn't seem to take the time;
My shirts do fit me perfectly, but my trousers could be improved,
I have to take 3 steps or more, before they even start to move.
Then off to Northam Camp I had to go to do my recruit training,
The army ways were so strange to me, surviving was the main thing;
At Bindoon Camp we worked day and night, while doing our I - E - T.
But I did it all and proved the best, so I'm in the INFANTRY.
I've been in the ARES a wee while now and I must say it isn't all that bad,
My girlfriend loves the uniform, it's the best set of clothes I've ever had;
And when I put my slouch hat on, I feel so very, very proud,
And every week on my way to parade, I feel like singing out loud.
So watch out all you baddies or we'll be upon you in a trice,
We'll show you what we're made of and prove we're men not mice;
So all you stupid radicals, had better not give us any cheek,
And hold the revolution on a Saturday, ‘cause we have to work through the week.